Is anything our own anymore?  the real question is.....Is it really worth sharing?

It seems I've reached a point where no thought is my own anymore.  Gone are the days when i sit and revel in my own private thoughts.  A time where i was content knowing that i'm the only one that has access to the wonderful world that is my brain. 

where i'm at now.....the moment a thought pops into my head, it's followed with...."where can i post this thought?"....myspace tagline, xanga weblog, aim profile, gchat info line, etc?  Is nothing sacred anymore?  Does anyone ever keep thought throwup in their head anymore?  I'm not saying that we shouldn't share our ideas....but the key word here is IDEAS.  not what you ate...how you feel at 10:00, at 10:05, then again at 10:10.  honestly....i think it's gotten to the point where people verbalize their brain throwup in daily interactions.  There are definitely people in my program that need to learn to think beyond the shallow surface of taglines.  it's time to think in concise paragraphs....and if all you can spit out is a 5-word tagline, then shut-the-F-up.  i don't find it witty, it doesn't trick the masses (at least the bright ones) into believing you're a deep-intellectual thinker, and maybe a little more time thinking beyond the obvious would make you a much more interesting person (i use "you", but i may not mean YOU....ask yourself if you stop at witty one-line tags....if so, then i mean you),

stop stating the obvious. give me something to read/hear that will force me to think critically.  challenge yourself so i can be challenged. 

and on that note.....

"put a sock in it...."

that's witty.  haha. 

I've always been a girl that likes comfort and consistency.  Although change is good...it takes a lot out of me because change is such a challenge for me.  Meeting new people is exciting...i agree, but i'm more the girl that is filled with the feeling of anxiety and awkwardness when meeting new people or being put in a new environment.  yes...in knowing myself...i still decided to go to NYU for grad school.  ugh.

The Mr. was recently deployed....recently meaning, this week.  Although we were notified of the deployment date a few months in advance, i remained in denial.  We were told so many time previously of deployments that never occurred.  This one was for real.  Now he's gone.  On the drive home from sending him off....i visualized my house in order to prepare myself to walk into a home that he will no longer be waiting at.  i visualized his shaving kit in the bathroom, his shoes in front of the door, his left over clothes in my closet, the picture in my frames, and the recordings on my DVR that we'd watch together.  Unfortunately....i forgot the biggest item i should have visualized...his pillows on his side of the bed.  For three years he laid beside me...we had our nitch and our rituals...and now what's left are two pillows which remain on his side of the bed untouched because i haven't mustered up the strength to move them.

I know deep down that New York is a good experience for me....the timing of all these changes comes so closely together.  A part of me views is as a loss of a boyfriend.....soon followed by a loss of my friends and family.  urgh.